Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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