Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
