I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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