This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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