sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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