I need to stop coming to work sober
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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