What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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