I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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