i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
