I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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