sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
