My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
