GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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