I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have fence marks all over my body
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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