I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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