Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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