Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
