I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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