Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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