i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
