ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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