I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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