apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
