In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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