why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
