don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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