I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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