apparently the secret to your success is patron
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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