She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What drink are we having for lunch?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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