I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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