I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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