nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
