I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
