Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
