when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
