My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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