He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
