It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
