You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
NoShamevember. You game?
The feeling are messing with the penis
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
