You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
