Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
