we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
only you would photoshop your dick
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
