Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Panties = found
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
