i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
