he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
