She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
