She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
