Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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