I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so explain again why im purple
no
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
