I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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