If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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