I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
