my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
