Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
