on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
